Certainty


How often do we ask for advice? 

My husband is constantly asking questions, it used to be a bug bear of mine, he was always interrupting my programmes to ask something I deemed as irrelevant! Now though, it’s something I quite admire him for. He’s brave enough and confident enough to ask questions at all times, he’s courageous enough to say when he doesn’t understand something and as a result he is always learning, growing in wisdom and knowledge at every opportunity.
I’m not quite sure what happened in my life to stop me from asking people their opinion or advice, there must be some reason I hold myself back but I’m unsure of it at present. This is an issue though, and God knows it.
He often uses my 6 year old to speak to me, He knows my ears will prick up when he speaks. A few days ago I was debating an issue with God, I’d prayed about it and was conversing with the Holy Spirit in my mind, the boys were sat on my bed watching TV when my eldest suddenly pipes up with ‘let it go!’ I knew that it was God speaking through him to me about the issue I’d asked Him about!

Without asking questions I won’t learn, I can ask God but He also wants me to seek advice from Godly mentors too, if not He wouldn’t of put them there, I can see by remaining quiet and fearful not only am I holding myself back I’m also holding on to pride, the fear of sounding stupid or asking a silly question is there because I don’t want to make myself look stupid.

This scripture also tells us that we can make our own plans, but the lords purpose will prevail. This tells me that I can take advice, I can seek counsel from the Holy Spirit and try to decipher what He means, but ultimately if I get it wrong He will make sure what He meant WILL be revealed.

After hearing a sermon last year about using our natural gifting for the His glory I decided I would start planning lots of fundraising events for the church. I was so excited to get on and do things for Jesus I made a couple of early day mistakes. The first mistake I made was to not pray about it,  was this His will? The second was to not ask anyone else if they thought it would be a good idea, I ran in excitement to the leadership team and said “I’ve got all these plans to raise money and I’ve booked these dates!” Thinking back now I should have known not to go ahead by the look on my pastors face. You can guess what happened next! 

The first event came around and whatever could go wrong, did go wrong! The rain came lashing down, the roof started leaking, the electrics were at risk of blowing, people didn’t turn up, it was a complete shambles! Needless to say I had to repent for my hasty decision and cancel all other events until I had the go ahead from the bossman! Note to self, never, ever make a move without dilligently praying first.

Have you ever noticed the pattern of gifts that are so eloquently sewn in to your nature? I find it fascinating. We are all made so unique, each with intricate detail, differences and personalities. I love to people watch and observe the giftings in others, I’m naturally an encouraging person so when I see a gift in someone I have to tell them. Sometimes I go a little over the top, but I just live in awe of the fabulous way God has made people. 

Occasionally this can be a problem, I can spend so much time looking at others and their gifts I start to feel a little envy growing inside of me, comparison can be a slippery slope and a foothold for the devil to work with.

When I was about 13, I spent most of my school holidays staying with my Grandma, I loved it there and I had a friend about my age that lived next door, we both had the same name, I loved to call on her and spend time round at her house, she was so pretty, so confident and had lots of friends at school. 

One summer that I spent time with her she revealed to me that she had started smoking, she asked if I did, desperately wanting to be just like her and accepted by her I said “yes!” We spent the holidays hiding at the top of the garden puffing away on vile fags, do you know I didn’t even like the taste! I’d even hang out of my bedroom window at Grandmas thinking they wouldn’t know, just to look super cool, I wasn’t, and I’m ashamed to say it took  22 years to break that stronghold on my life. Thankfully, Jesus saved me and I’ve been smoke free for just over 12 months.

In conclusion I take 3 things from this scripture that I’m working toward implementing in my life:

1.) Ask questions, be confident. There is no such thing as a stupid question, and if there is and you ask it, laugh! There is no fear in perfect love, Jesus wants us to approach Him like children, look at the questions they ask, I read somewhere they ask about 300 a day! Jesus wants us to gain knowledge and wisdom.

2.) Don’t rush in to things, Pray for purpose. We each have a set of unique gifts that God wants us to use but without prayer and knowing what He wants from us we will keep on falling down.

3.) Don’t compare myself to others, it’s fine to give praise for people’s gifts but getting hung up on their purpose in comparison to mine leaves an opportunity for the devil to catch me in a snare.

The truth is, we are each made fearfully and wonderfully and God wants to use each and everyone of us, united we are stronger. 

The world tells us that to lay down our own lives and ambitions for others is weak, God tells us it’s not, and I chose Him over the world.

I choose to accept the unique gifts that He gave to me. Those gifts + a heart for Jesus, a teachable mind and I am set. God really will prevail with His plan for my  life in His time, thank you lord. ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ™

It’s not you..it’s me..

I’m sorry, forgive me, it’s not you it’s me. How can I possibly believe your truth when the day is so dark, when I can’t see how you can say all these things about me, I’m so angry, I’m so bitter, I’m unforgiving, impatient, I can’t face the world, I struggle to leave my room, I have absolutely nothing good to say!

I sit gazing at the words in the bible, I read testimonies, I pray, I cry, I shout, I scream, and still I feel a hardness and feel no joy. 

What am I to do Lord? 

How can I be who you say I am? 

The words I speak are of death and not life, I’m slowly killing my spirit, I read the words, I repeat them over and over in my mind, although I know them I don’t speak them, speaking them aloud is the way to live. This negativity is drowning me, slowly and painfully, this is not your plan, please forgive me.

This an extract from my journal I wrote on a bad day, feeling at my lowest, the day in mind everything was against me, nothing would work, or so I thought….

How powerful are the things that we tell ourselves? Those deceptive thoughts if left unattended can be most tragic to our walk with God. After debating this for sometime I chose life, I refuse to sit solemn, down, and believe these lies here is what I chose to speak:

Thank you Father for making me so Wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvellous- how well I know it. – Psalm 139:14

I choose to love myself and others because You loved me first, I don’t have to earn it, You just do. – 1 John 4:19

You know the very number of hairs upon my head. – Matthew 10:30

You loved me so much You gave Your one and only son so that I might live to eternity – John 3:16

Nothing in all creation can seperate me from Your love, no matter how badly I think of me You don’t see the same. – Romans 8:39

I accept Your perfect love and douse myself in it, expelling all fear. – 1 John 4:18

You know the plans You have for me, they are for good and not disaster, to give me a future and a hope. – Jeremiah 29:11

I can do all things through You, You give me strength. – Philippians 4:13

I will stand in Your whole armour and battle against these deceitful words. – Ephesians 6:11

Because You are for me, so who can be against me? – Romans 8:31.

Thank you Father that you gave us these words of life to speak aloud in our storms, no matter what happens You bring everything together for our good.

Have a GOOD Friday!


Today, as I sit and enjoy this extra day off with my children I’m reflecting on what this day means to me. Prior to being a Christian it was just another day off to enjoy, but now it’s so much more.

I’m reflecting today how thankful I am that Jesus gave his life for me, my family, you the whole world, so that we might accept a life of peace in His presence. That we might say YES! to His intervention in our daily, worldly walk and accept the place He made for us in Heaven.

He was betrayed by His closest, arrested, tourtured, beaten, lashed, spat at, humiliated, denied, had a crown of thorns pushed into His head, bleeding heavily, in suffering and pain He was made to walk carrying a very large, solid wooden cross that he would be nailed to and left to die, and he did that for me, my family and the whole world!

My writing here doesn’t even give justice to the sacrifice He made for us. Would I do that? I don’t think so, in fact I know I wouldn’t.

Not only that he was denied by one of His closest friends, which makes me wonder about my actions sometimes, do I deny Him? Yes I do. There are times I could share His word and I don’t, I fear the response, I worry I’ll make myself look silly. Should I deny Him? No! And this sacrifice is why. It makes me want to shout from the roof tops, to the world and tell them, make them understand, make them come to know Him, but what use would that do? Some would, some wouldn’t? How can I really give glory to Him?

He tells us in the Bible to accept His peace, He tells us to love, love Him, love ourselves – because He is within us, love others, good people, bad people, everyone, just as He has loved us. I find that hard too, He loved us so much He died for us. Could you imagine laying down your life for our worst enemy? Could you imagine going to execution knowing that some would believe in you and some wouldn’t? I can’t imagine doing that.

One of the things that strikes me most about it is that He barely even spoke let alone yelled. I would be screaming and shouting like I don’t know what! Then, when He did speak His words were to His father asking for forgiveness for the people that had taken part in his killing! 

So, today as I reflect I’m going to concentrate on His words, I’m going to consider the way I approach the day, my attitude to life, my mood, my approach with my children, my husband even my enemies and really think what would Jesus do? 

Of course I should do this everyday but the fact is we all fall short, that’s why we needed Him to save us. I’m not saying it’s good to sin and that I actively go out with the intention to be disobedient, but I am saying if we concern ourselves with His sacrifice life is easier to live as he told us to.

Jesus loves each and every one of us, let us recognise this as we go about our day. No matter who you are, what you have done or will do, He wants us to live in peace and harmony, so much so, He gave his life for us to have it.

Who doesn’t want a life of peace, joy and love?

Happy Easter
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