What will you leave behind?
What do you do when you know something is right, but that means you have to do something you don’t want to?
Last week hubby and I were having a little disagreement, it was really silly, like most arguments it had started from nothing, we were arguing the same point but from our own perspectives, the devil had a field day with finger pointing and accusations. I had taken something that hubby had said and listened to that negative voice and turned it into something it just wasn’t, I was being defensive and very angry!
The trouble was I thought I was right, and I had no need whatsoever to apologise when in actual fact I was wrong! I wasn’t wrong because the point I had raised was wrong, I was wrong because I’d let into the enemy and lost my self-control, I had lost the ability to look at what my husband was saying from his perspective and as a result I was sitting in my room with a face like the little girl in the picture above!
I love how kind, forgiving and nurturing God is in these situations, I prayed about it and my prayer went something like:
Lord, Please let him see how unreasonable he is being, I can’t believe he thinks I need to do more, how much more can I do?! Please tell him to stop being so bossy…. blah blah blah.
Following my prayer I had a chapter of the Bible come to mind, Proverbs 21,
1- In the Lord’s hand, the king’s heart is a stream of water that he channels to all that please him.
2 – A person may think that their own ways are right, but the Lord weighs the heart.
3 – To do what is right and just is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice.
4 – Haughty eyes and a proud hear – the unplowed fields of the wicked – produce sin.
5- The plans of the dilligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty.
I’m thinking here, yes Lord, this is exactly what I am trying to say! You know I’m right and you are confirming to me that I am! Then ………. my eyes jumped forward a couple of verses to 9:
Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.
See, we were both right in our own minds, we both see things differently, He made us both unique to our purpose, life would be pretty boring if we were, all the same, wouldn’t it?
God wants us both to take our views and work together in harmony, Colossians 2:2 says;
My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ.
We have the strength to do this by His Grace, through His Spirit we can walk the way He asks us to, but of course, this does mean that we must deny ourselves, reserve our judgements and trust His course of action, which at this time meant that I was to get up and go downstairs to apologise for losing my patience, being quick to anger and not using my self-control! Thankfully, we had a visitor which meant there was time to calm down, relax and take some time before I approached the dreaded task! Once I was willing God started to intervene and His Grace meant that this task would be a little less daunting, He always works things out for our good.
Our visitor left and I made us some lunch ready to sit down again and discuss things like adults, as it happened by God’s mercy for my willing heart He had also been doing a work in hubby, he also felt he should apologise, so we both said our “sorry” kissed and made up, then went on to discuss our business in a fashion that pleases God, which I am pleased to say worked out all around and we are back on track.
Will we argue about it again? Of course we will, but God will again patiently work through with us what to do in order to put things right, He is patient, He is loving, He wants the best for His children and He will do this 7 x 7 times, meaning to infinity because He wants us to live life in abundance, with His peace, His joy to radiate love to one another.
I was writing out my to do list and adding little ticks next to the ones I had done, it made me feel quite good and got carried away, I was about to add to it Bible reading and prayer time, when I heard the Lord say to me “it’s not a tick box exercise”.
How many of us do this? Wake up and speak to the Lord as an exercise that just has to be done, like cleaning the bathroom or making packed lunches for the kids. When each day is made up of blocks of time along with a matching task list, we can quite easily slot God in to that tick box exercise, that we are doing out of duty.
The fact is, it is not a duty, it’s a true honour. Spending time with God should be something I look forward to, like when I was first dating my husband, my first love, getting butterflies in my tummy, an expectancy that I just can’t wait for, hanging in the every word, a pamper time but for my mind. Psalm 37:4 tells us to take delight in the lord and He will give us the desires of our hearts. Wow! He does too, many a time I have been completely bowled over with what He has done in my life….. Even the small things.
Last week I was preparing food for a party which quite frankly should by rights have stressed me right out, thankfully I leaned upon the Lord and said “God, I can not do this on my own, you have got to help me!”
A British buffet really isn’t a buffet without good old cheese and pinapple sticks. So there I was 9pm on a Friday night jabbing cubes of cheese and pineapple with cocktail sticks. When I got to the bottom of the last tin of pineapple chunks, I looked down to see just 2 pieces left and there on the chopping my board were 2 beautiful equal chunks of cheese!! I was totally in awe that Jesus cared so much about this party He even gave me equal pineapple chunks for my cheese……I know you have just read that and thought I’m crazy, but let me give you some context.
This party was a last minute decision, it was a surprise for a beautiful friend of mine, I had been in prayer a few weeks earlier and really felt on my heart to do this for her, the thing was there wasn’t really anyone available to help me organise it, so in the natural it should have been a complete burden. But, because I had bought it before the Lord and asked Him to intervene everything went wonderfully, and this was His way of showing me He was in it all.
I delighted myself in Him, gave Him praise and was in wonder at His beautiful work, the party went smoothly, an enjoyable night had by all, the people turned up, my friend was totally surprised, cried tears of joy, the food went well, and I didn’t melt down at all, all because I went to the Lord with a humble heart and told Him exactly what I needed, He loves to answer our prayers, the little things are the things that are the most special to me, I pray that I never go a day and miss where He is at.
I was born in to a home that was loving, kind and caring. My Dad had his own business and my Mom was a secretary for a local business, we had a good life, even when Dad lost the business he managed to find a good job that paid well, we had nice things and a lovely home. I always remember the day he came home with a new TV, it was around the time the infrared remote control was introduced, I was well happy with that!
Disaster struck at Christmas time, Father Christmas had been and gone and so had Dad. I was 8 years old, I don’t remember much but I do remember the day he came back to tell me that he and Mom were separating, it was awful. Once he’d broken the news he collected some of his belongings and left. Mom was broken, she chased after him tears streaming from her face, kicking and screaming, the anger was so intense, so much so when she came back in to the house I picked up Dad’s favourite beer tankard and threw it across the paved patio out of the back door, I dropped to my knees and sobbed like never before. It was just me and Mom from now on.
It wasn’t long before it was announced who my Dad had been so in love with he felt the need to pull apart our world. It was Mom’s best friend, our next but one neighbour, a lady I’d spent many a night with, bathing her newborn daughter, watching TV and enjoying having a “friend”. Me and Mom weren’t alone for long either, she met a man, he was younger than her and they fell deeply in love, they spent every minute possible together. I always felt so in the way, like I wasn’t wanted, I’m sure that wasn’t intentional they were just in love. Before long he proposed to mom and then shortly after that it was announced Dad and his new partner would also be getting married.
At 9 years old I remember the feeling of loss, I felt so alone, all around me I could see happiness, joy, belonging, laughter and there was me, alone with my bears in my room. I don’t know why I felt so alone, it’s not like I was pushed out, I just didn’t feel like I belonged in either my Mom’s home or my Dad’s. They were all so happy with one another, I just felt like an inconvenience to them, Dad had his new wife and her daughter that he loved, Mom had her new husband that she so desperately wanted to keep happy, and there was just me drifting along. Looking back now I think I was depressed, and withdrawn, I pulled myself away from people in order to create a wall of protection, that way I would never get hurt.
I found peace in books, I would shut myself away in my room, line up all of my teddies and read to them, I loved to act out the characters, my favourite were the scripts from Roal Dahl stories It was my way of escaping myself, I just hated being me. By the time I was 12-13 I used to act out my desired life, whenever I was alone in the house I would pretend I was a wife, the house was mine and I had a loving husband and 3 children, I’d speak aloud to them, anyone listening in would of thought I was crazy!
This escapism carried on throughout my life, books turned to other things I used to escape, people pleasing, taking drugs, drinking, lots of things that sent me down a path of darkness, discovering much more grief, sadness, anger and loss, my life has been quite eventful, filled with various losses and disasters which I’m sure I will write about in due course.
Last year I attended Cherish, a ladies Christian conference. I had a real encounter with my Father that was one of THE best days of my life to date. From the first minute of walking through the doors I felt the overwhelming love of my Heavenly Father, it was so intense tears of joy started to roll from my eyes, I felt His arms wrapped around me, He pulled me up on to His lap like I was that 8 year old again and His words echoed in my mind:
“I love you, you are the most precious princess of the highest king, you are special and I will never let you go, all these years of misery are behind you, I will replace them with years of joy, I am taking you on a journey that will never end, take my hand and walk with me my precious child, I will make up for the years of the locusts, all they took from you I will replace double”
That weekend was the most amazing experience I had with God, I knew after then life was going to be different, He was with me and He was never ever going to forsake me.
I’m pleased to say that my life now is still as eventful but a different type of life. Now, I have joy, peace and I don’t fear every circumstance, I don’t feel the need to escape anymore, I don’t have to please people to be accepted, I now have someone in my life that truly makes me feel I belong, He carries me, He comforts me, He whispers into my ear all of the wonderful things I can be, He makes me feel I can achieve anything in His strength and encourages me when I fall. I also have the husband and 3 kids I used to imagine!
I pray that anyone reading this has a similar experience, with an open heart invite Him to show you all that you are. I watched a film at the weekend called Miracles from Heaven, if you’ve not seen it I recommend it, in it a lady says this “God gives us miracles each and every day, they are all around us, we just have to have the faith to notice them.” She’s right, I see my loving Father in everything I do now, I’m so thankful to Jesus for this wonderful gift, ask Him to show you too, he will never let you down.
My husband is constantly asking questions, it used to be a bug bear of mine, he was always interrupting my programmes to ask something I deemed as irrelevant! Now though, it’s something I quite admire him for. He’s brave enough and confident enough to ask questions at all times, he’s courageous enough to say when he doesn’t understand something and as a result he is always learning, growing in wisdom and knowledge at every opportunity.
I’m not quite sure what happened in my life to stop me from asking people their opinion or advice, there must be some reason I hold myself back but I’m unsure of it at present. This is an issue though, and God knows it.
He often uses my 6 year old to speak to me, He knows my ears will prick up when he speaks. A few days ago I was debating an issue with God, I’d prayed about it and was conversing with the Holy Spirit in my mind, the boys were sat on my bed watching TV when my eldest suddenly pipes up with ‘let it go!’ I knew that it was God speaking through him to me about the issue I’d asked Him about!
Without asking questions I won’t learn, I can ask God but He also wants me to seek advice from Godly mentors too, if not He wouldn’t of put them there, I can see by remaining quiet and fearful not only am I holding myself back I’m also holding on to pride, the fear of sounding stupid or asking a silly question is there because I don’t want to make myself look stupid.
This scripture also tells us that we can make our own plans, but the lords purpose will prevail. This tells me that I can take advice, I can seek counsel from the Holy Spirit and try to decipher what He means, but ultimately if I get it wrong He will make sure what He meant WILL be revealed.
After hearing a sermon last year about using our natural gifting for the His glory I decided I would start planning lots of fundraising events for the church. I was so excited to get on and do things for Jesus I made a couple of early day mistakes. The first mistake I made was to not pray about it, was this His will? The second was to not ask anyone else if they thought it would be a good idea, I ran in excitement to the leadership team and said “I’ve got all these plans to raise money and I’ve booked these dates!” Thinking back now I should have known not to go ahead by the look on my pastors face. You can guess what happened next!
The first event came around and whatever could go wrong, did go wrong! The rain came lashing down, the roof started leaking, the electrics were at risk of blowing, people didn’t turn up, it was a complete shambles! Needless to say I had to repent for my hasty decision and cancel all other events until I had the go ahead from the bossman! Note to self, never, ever make a move without dilligently praying first.
Have you ever noticed the pattern of gifts that are so eloquently sewn in to your nature? I find it fascinating. We are all made so unique, each with intricate detail, differences and personalities. I love to people watch and observe the giftings in others, I’m naturally an encouraging person so when I see a gift in someone I have to tell them. Sometimes I go a little over the top, but I just live in awe of the fabulous way God has made people.
Occasionally this can be a problem, I can spend so much time looking at others and their gifts I start to feel a little envy growing inside of me, comparison can be a slippery slope and a foothold for the devil to work with.
When I was about 13, I spent most of my school holidays staying with my Grandma, I loved it there and I had a friend about my age that lived next door, we both had the same name, I loved to call on her and spend time round at her house, she was so pretty, so confident and had lots of friends at school.
One summer that I spent time with her she revealed to me that she had started smoking, she asked if I did, desperately wanting to be just like her and accepted by her I said “yes!” We spent the holidays hiding at the top of the garden puffing away on vile fags, do you know I didn’t even like the taste! I’d even hang out of my bedroom window at Grandmas thinking they wouldn’t know, just to look super cool, I wasn’t, and I’m ashamed to say it took 22 years to break that stronghold on my life. Thankfully, Jesus saved me and I’ve been smoke free for just over 12 months.
In conclusion I take 3 things from this scripture that I’m working toward implementing in my life:
1.) Ask questions, be confident. There is no such thing as a stupid question, and if there is and you ask it, laugh! There is no fear in perfect love, Jesus wants us to approach Him like children, look at the questions they ask, I read somewhere they ask about 300 a day! Jesus wants us to gain knowledge and wisdom.
2.) Don’t rush in to things, Pray for purpose. We each have a set of unique gifts that God wants us to use but without prayer and knowing what He wants from us we will keep on falling down.
3.) Don’t compare myself to others, it’s fine to give praise for people’s gifts but getting hung up on their purpose in comparison to mine leaves an opportunity for the devil to catch me in a snare.
The truth is, we are each made fearfully and wonderfully and God wants to use each and everyone of us, united we are stronger.
The world tells us that to lay down our own lives and ambitions for others is weak, God tells us it’s not, and I chose Him over the world.
I choose to accept the unique gifts that He gave to me. Those gifts + a heart for Jesus, a teachable mind and I am set. God really will prevail with His plan for my life in His time, thank you lord. 💕🙏
I’m sorry, forgive me, it’s not you it’s me. How can I possibly believe your truth when the day is so dark, when I can’t see how you can say all these things about me, I’m so angry, I’m so bitter, I’m unforgiving, impatient, I can’t face the world, I struggle to leave my room, I have absolutely nothing good to say!
I sit gazing at the words in the bible, I read testimonies, I pray, I cry, I shout, I scream, and still I feel a hardness and feel no joy.
What am I to do Lord?
How can I be who you say I am?
The words I speak are of death and not life, I’m slowly killing my spirit, I read the words, I repeat them over and over in my mind, although I know them I don’t speak them, speaking them aloud is the way to live. This negativity is drowning me, slowly and painfully, this is not your plan, please forgive me.
This an extract from my journal I wrote on a bad day, feeling at my lowest, the day in mind everything was against me, nothing would work, or so I thought….
How powerful are the things that we tell ourselves? Those deceptive thoughts if left unattended can be most tragic to our walk with God. After debating this for sometime I chose life, I refuse to sit solemn, down, and believe these lies here is what I chose to speak:
Thank you Father for making me so Wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvellous- how well I know it. – Psalm 139:14
I choose to love myself and others because You loved me first, I don’t have to earn it, You just do. – 1 John 4:19
You know the very number of hairs upon my head. – Matthew 10:30
You loved me so much You gave Your one and only son so that I might live to eternity – John 3:16
Nothing in all creation can seperate me from Your love, no matter how badly I think of me You don’t see the same. – Romans 8:39
I accept Your perfect love and douse myself in it, expelling all fear. – 1 John 4:18
You know the plans You have for me, they are for good and not disaster, to give me a future and a hope. – Jeremiah 29:11
I can do all things through You, You give me strength. – Philippians 4:13
I will stand in Your whole armour and battle against these deceitful words. – Ephesians 6:11
Because You are for me, so who can be against me? – Romans 8:31.
Thank you Father that you gave us these words of life to speak aloud in our storms, no matter what happens You bring everything together for our good.
I’m reflecting today how thankful I am that Jesus gave his life for me, my family, you the whole world, so that we might accept a life of peace in His presence. That we might say YES! to His intervention in our daily, worldly walk and accept the place He made for us in Heaven.
He was betrayed by His closest, arrested, tourtured, beaten, lashed, spat at, humiliated, denied, had a crown of thorns pushed into His head, bleeding heavily, in suffering and pain He was made to walk carrying a very large, solid wooden cross that he would be nailed to and left to die, and he did that for me, my family and the whole world!
My writing here doesn’t even give justice to the sacrifice He made for us. Would I do that? I don’t think so, in fact I know I wouldn’t.
Not only that he was denied by one of His closest friends, which makes me wonder about my actions sometimes, do I deny Him? Yes I do. There are times I could share His word and I don’t, I fear the response, I worry I’ll make myself look silly. Should I deny Him? No! And this sacrifice is why. It makes me want to shout from the roof tops, to the world and tell them, make them understand, make them come to know Him, but what use would that do? Some would, some wouldn’t? How can I really give glory to Him?
He tells us in the Bible to accept His peace, He tells us to love, love Him, love ourselves – because He is within us, love others, good people, bad people, everyone, just as He has loved us. I find that hard too, He loved us so much He died for us. Could you imagine laying down your life for our worst enemy? Could you imagine going to execution knowing that some would believe in you and some wouldn’t? I can’t imagine doing that.
One of the things that strikes me most about it is that He barely even spoke let alone yelled. I would be screaming and shouting like I don’t know what! Then, when He did speak His words were to His father asking for forgiveness for the people that had taken part in his killing!
So, today as I reflect I’m going to concentrate on His words, I’m going to consider the way I approach the day, my attitude to life, my mood, my approach with my children, my husband even my enemies and really think what would Jesus do?
Of course I should do this everyday but the fact is we all fall short, that’s why we needed Him to save us. I’m not saying it’s good to sin and that I actively go out with the intention to be disobedient, but I am saying if we concern ourselves with His sacrifice life is easier to live as he told us to.
Jesus loves each and every one of us, let us recognise this as we go about our day. No matter who you are, what you have done or will do, He wants us to live in peace and harmony, so much so, He gave his life for us to have it.
Who doesn’t want a life of peace, joy and love?
I had unfollowed and restricted all of the people that were bugging me on dreaded social media, sat on the sofa getting more and more angry, holding back the tears, I typed out a text very quickly signed with an angry faced emoji to my friend telling her all about it.
The reply I received not only made me smile it was filled with wisdom and sent a very well known and irritating song spinning around my mind, “If I knew were coming I’d of baked a cake, baked a cake, If I knew you were coming I’d of baked a cake!”
A situation with some other friends (and use the term loosely) that had been ongoing and had once again something had happened to provoke negativity. I was feeling hurt, angry bitter, let down and rejected, the words to my dear friend were ” I wish God would just take it away, I don’t like feeling this way.”
Her response was spot on and the some of the best wisdom I’ve ever had. Firstly, I needed to repent for any negative feelings toward the people involved then, rebuke satan’s lies in the name of Jesus, accept God’s forgiveness, pray for the people involved and ask that God open their eyes, thank God that I am walking in freedom and receive His perfect peace, she described it as a cake recipe! (Hence the well known, irritating song!)
My next move was to get off the sofa and go into my room, close the door behind me and to pray to the Father, my words were:
Father, please forgive me for negativity towards these people, I’m sorry but my heart feels heavy and burdened, I’m tired of their attitudes, and I’m sad that I’ve been pushed away, I’m hurt that they no longer want me, I’m surplus to requirements and they are getting on with life without me, or at least that’s how I see it.
Lord, I know these are lies from satan and you came so that I may have peace, I rebuke these ill feelings in Jesus name, I feel so hurt, please help me, I don’t want this burdensome heavy heart, I want your perfect peace, I want to be filled with joy, love and kindness, please release me from this weight, what they do has no bearing on my actions, nor does it dictate who I am in your eyes, I know that you love me for who you made me, you have a plan for me that has nothing to do with this nonsense….
….Then BANG … It came to me….
Father, you can’t use me with this heavy burdened heart, can you? You’re teaching me, aren’t you? Teaching me to overcome things, love people that are difficult, see beyond my own opinion, love without rival, teaching me to learn how to see other people beyond their actions!
Proverbs 17:17 in the NLT says: A Friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in the time of need.
Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary: 17. No change of outward circumstances should abate our affection for our friends or relatives. But no friend, except Christ, deserves unlimited confidence. In Him, this text did receive, and still receives its most glorious fulfilment
So, in a nutshell, my reaction to my friend’s actions is completely my choice, the fact that I’d gone on to social media and restricted all of the people that made me feel this way was ridiculous, I have a choice!
I am most happy when I’m being kind, considerate and caring, giving encouragement, kind words and loving people is what I do best. But, here I was bittering and hardening my own heart, not to mention anything else I was worn out, it’s hard work being that angry! I remember reading somewhere that negative energy makes you ill and that is just how I felt.
Our wonderful God wants me to love people despite how they make me feel, Jesus had to contend with much more than I do, how must he have felt when Peter denied Him, or when he asked the disciples to stay awake and pray and they fell to sleep?
What if I get treated like a doormat God?
Psalm 28:3 Says– Do not drag me away with the wicked–with those who do evil–those who speak friendly words to their neighbours while planning evil in their hearts.
And there it was, a prayer for me to pray to the Lord our God for help and protection in my time of need, He will fight my battles, I don’t need to worry how they may treat me, all I need to do is be the person I enjoy being, the person that my beautiful Father made me to be, the person that spreads light, love and laughter without effort, the one that enjoys blessing and loving others, the person that brings great glory to the name of God our Father, Jesus His son and the Holy Spirit.
In conclusion, when satan comes knocking on the door and starts to whisper his lies into your mind remember to sing “If I knew you were coming I’d of baked a cake, baked a cake, If I knew you were coming I’d of baked a cake!” smile then follow these simple steps:
- Repent for any bad feelings.
- Rebuke the lies of satan in Jesus name.
- Accept forgiveness from God.
- Pray for the people you’re angry at.
- Thank God for His Perfect Peace.
How do we know when or if to walk through a door of opportunity?
When I was first saved I had many plans, mainly for myself I admit, I was going to build a huge marketing agency and earn lots of money, well it wasn’t quite that shallow but all the same I had BIG plans.
I was stopped completely in my tracks by the Lord and I entered a period of stillness, at the time I thought this was laziness, all of my creative faculties started to shut down and I found that I couldn’t think, all I could do was turn to the word God and discover.
I soon started to discover Who I was, Why I was here, and What I needed to do, BUT, I had no idea how that fitted into my previous plans. So there I was, still wandering in the wilderness with no direction, no inspiration and no creativity.
I wasn’t listening! God asked me to start to delve into my old plans and compare them to the discoveries I had made about WHO He said I was, WHY I was here and WHAT I was sent to do.
I soon discovered a pattern, a very unique pattern. It was unique because this pattern was displayed in all I had done my whole life, from a tender age of nursery school right up to this present point in my life. Those business plans I had were NOT about making myself money, they were about helping others to achieve their goals, from the customers I served to the staff I had planned to employ, each element was about other people and how I could help them to achieve what they wanted.
Proverbs 16:9, tells us that In our hearts we plan our course, but the Lord establishes the steps.
No wonder there was a pattern, it wasn’t the actual industry, job, or physical task that would be my calling, it’s what that physical thing would enable me to do in the name of Jesus. I was sent to encourage, inspire and teach people that through Christ we can achieve all things!
Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.- Proverbs 37:4
Once I discovered this I soon started to recognise doors that began to open, not just in my business but at home, in my marriage, in my husband’s business, at church, with my friends, even this blog. I just had to be courageous enough to step out and say what I knew God wanted me to say or do what He wanted me to do.We just have to be bold enough and brave enough to walk through that open door.
Receiving this courage comes from renewing our minds with His Word, it’s there to give us confidence that in Him all things are possible. He tells us in John 10:10 I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly. He doesn’t want us to be miserable!
1 Corinthians 16:9 because a great door for effective work has opened to me, and there are many who oppose me.
The words above from Paul tell us that it won’t be a smooth ride, but irrespective of the opposition he faced, he continued to move on, continued to walk with God and live out what he knew in confidence the Lord wanted him to do.
Since these revelations, I’ve been so much more comfortable in my life with making decisions, and when I make those that are aligned with God’s will he confirms I’m on the right track with His wonderful favour, I feel peaceful and joyful inside and I have a consistent smile on my face. Life is just easier with God’s word in it. Life is just easier with God in it!
My prayer today is that anyone that may be struggling with their calling in life, or recognising God’s open doors, that they feel the spirit of God fall upon them to inspire action.
I pray, Father that each and every person that is questioning a decision right now, that they feel your presence, they hear your voice and you give them courage and confidence in you and your word.
I ask you, Father, to reveal to them their calling in life, give them desires in their hearts that won’t let go until they act upon them, and when they do Lord I ask for fulfilment, comfort and peace to outpour into their spirit.
Lord I pray that they seek your will and glorify your name by living a life filled with abundant joy.
In Jesus name, Amen.
When I became a Christian an inner transformation started to take place, I knew that I fell short of the character God wanted me to have, I knew I needed to be a better person, turn my back on my old life and walk courageously into my new one.
How could I be a better person? He knew I’d tried, I was at all of the church meetings, I was the first to volunteer my time, I worked for charities in my ‘spare’ time, I donated my money, I blessed people with things they might need, why was I still not changing from within?
I’d get frustrated then and I would give up on myself. After a bad day I’d turn to alcohol, open a bottle of wine whilst cooking dinner, which would quite often turn in to 2 bottles, think over all of the naff things that had happened through the day, pity myself and beat myself up. Then, this would turn in to anger which caused friction in my marriage, because I was frustrated with myself I’d be frustrated with my husband and kids too, and there it was a nice big destructive cycle.
Along comes the guilt and I wouldn’t be able to sleep, I’d be writing destructive things about myself in my journal, I’d be telling myself how horrible I was, and the next day I’d be back to the feet of Jesus on my knees the next day asking why?
After a while, once I was prepared to listen, He started to reveal to me why this was, in my heart I heard, “you can NOT earn my love, it’s a gift, you must accept it.” Look what it says here, God tells us I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.” – Jeremiah 31:3 NLT
God already HAS given us His love, we didn’t DO anything for it He just DOES. No matter how hard I try, no matter what good works I do I can not earn His love.
It doesn’t work like it does in the world, you meet someone and fall a little bit in love with them and as the days, weeks, months and years go by you fall deeper and deeper. No, not with God, He loved us before we were born.
No matter how rubbish I feel about me, He loves me, That’s ace! His grace is covering me, and that helps me to live aligned to His will.
Now I know this I’m so joyful, joyful because I have God in my life, I don’t falter because I’m too joyful, I’ve no need to dislike myself in the way that I used to, not only does God love me more than I can possibly imagine, He has given me the ability to love me too, and I accept that I am made in His image, I carry godlike character within me to help to radiate His love to the world, how amazing is that?
Now I don’t have bad days at work, and when I do God shows me why and that it’s not a bad thing, He has given me grace of my own to forgive people that may cause me offence, He has given me patience to deal with situations that used to frustrate me, and because I don’t have bad days I don’t turn to destructive behaviour like drinking. Because I don’t drink so much in frustration, I don’t loose my temper so much, because I don’t loose my temper so much I don’t feel guilty and because I don’t feel guilty all the time I can actually feel joyful!
Each and everyday I thank God for His intervention and live a very blessed life. We really are loved beyond our own comprehension, we can’t earn more of our Fathers love, once we have this revelation things will change, they have for me and pray they do for you too. He loved us first. Amen. 💕💕