But I don’t want to!!! 

What do you do when you know something is right, but that means you have to do something you don’t want to?

Last week hubby and I were having a little disagreement, it was really silly, like most arguments it had started from nothing, we were arguing the same point but from our own perspectives, the devil had a field day with finger pointing and accusations. I had taken something that hubby had said and listened to that negative voice and turned it into something it just wasn’t, I was being defensive and very angry!

The trouble was I thought I was right, and I had no need whatsoever to apologise when in actual fact I was wrong! I wasn’t wrong because the point I had raised was wrong, I was wrong because I’d let into the enemy and lost my self-control, I had lost the ability to look at what my husband was saying from his perspective and as a result I was sitting in my room with a face like the little girl in the picture above!

I love how kind, forgiving and nurturing God is in these situations, I prayed about it and my prayer went something like:

Lord, Please let him see how unreasonable he is being, I can’t believe he thinks I need to do more, how much more can I do?! Please tell him to stop being so bossy…. blah blah blah.

Following my prayer I had a chapter of the Bible come to mind, Proverbs 21,

1- In the Lord’s hand, the king’s heart is a stream of water that he channels to all that please him.

2 – A person may think that their own ways are right, but the Lord weighs the heart.

3 – To do what is right and just is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice.

4 – Haughty eyes and a proud hear – the unplowed fields of the wicked – produce sin.

5- The plans of the dilligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty.

I’m thinking here, yes Lord, this is exactly what I am trying to say! You know I’m right and you are confirming to me that I am! Then ………. my eyes jumped forward a couple of verses to 9:

Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.

See, we were both right in our own minds, we both see things differently, He made us both unique to our purpose, life would be pretty boring if we were, all the same, wouldn’t it?

God wants us both to take our views and work together in harmony, Colossians 2:2 says;

My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ.

We have the strength to do this by His Grace, through His Spirit we can walk the way He asks us to, but of course, this does mean that we must deny ourselves, reserve our judgements and trust His course of action, which at this time meant that I was to get up and go downstairs to apologise for losing my patience, being quick to anger and not using my self-control! Thankfully, we had a visitor which meant there was time to calm down, relax and take some time before I approached the dreaded task! Once I was willing God started to intervene and His Grace meant that this task would be a little less daunting, He always works things out for our good.

Our visitor left and I made us some lunch ready to sit down again and discuss things like adults, as it happened by God’s mercy for my willing heart He had also been doing a work in hubby, he also felt he should apologise, so we both said our “sorry” kissed and made up, then went on to discuss our business in a fashion that pleases God, which I am pleased to say worked out all around and we are back on track.

Will we argue about it again? Of course we will, but God will again patiently work through with us what to do in order to put things right, He is patient, He is loving, He wants the best for His children and He will do this 7 x 7 times, meaning to infinity because He wants us to live life in abundance, with His peace, His joy to radiate love to one another.

 

 

 

It’s not a tick box exercise.

I was writing out my to do list and adding little ticks next to the ones I had done, it made me feel quite good and got carried away, I was about to add to it Bible reading and prayer time, when I heard the Lord say to me “it’s not a tick box exercise”.

How many of us do this? Wake up and speak to the Lord as an exercise that just has to be done,  like cleaning the bathroom or making packed lunches for the kids. When each day is made up of blocks of time along with a matching task list, we can quite easily slot God in to that tick box exercise, that we are doing out of duty.

The fact is, it is not a duty, it’s a true honour. Spending time with God should be something I look forward to, like when I was first dating my husband, my first love, getting butterflies in my tummy, an expectancy that I just can’t wait for, hanging in the every word, a pamper time but for my mind. Psalm 37:4 tells us to take delight in the lord and He will give us the desires of our hearts. Wow! He does too, many a time I have been completely bowled over with what He has done in my life….. Even the small things.

Last week I was preparing food for a party which quite frankly should by rights have stressed me right out, thankfully I leaned upon the Lord and said “God, I can not do this on my own, you have got to help me!” 

A British buffet really isn’t a buffet without good old cheese and pinapple sticks. So there I was 9pm on a Friday night jabbing cubes of cheese and pineapple with cocktail sticks. When I got to the bottom of the last tin of pineapple chunks, I looked down to see just 2 pieces left and there on the chopping my board were 2 beautiful equal chunks of cheese!! I was totally in awe that Jesus cared so much about this party He even gave me equal pineapple chunks for my cheese……I know you have just read that and thought I’m crazy, but let me give you some context. 

This party was a last minute decision, it was a surprise for a beautiful friend of mine, I had been in prayer a few weeks earlier and really felt on my heart to do this for her, the thing was there wasn’t really anyone available to help me organise it, so in the natural it should have been a complete burden. But, because I had bought it before the Lord and asked Him to intervene everything went wonderfully, and this was His way of showing me He was in it all.

I delighted myself in Him, gave Him praise and was in wonder at His beautiful work, the party went smoothly, an enjoyable night had by all, the people turned up, my friend was totally surprised, cried tears of joy, the food went well, and I didn’t melt down at all, all because I went to the Lord with a humble heart and told Him exactly what I needed, He loves to answer our prayers, the little things are the things that are the most special to me, I pray that I never go a day and miss where He is at.

Disaster 

I was born in to a home that was loving, kind and caring. My Dad had his own business and my Mom was a secretary for a local business, we had a good life, even when Dad lost the business he managed to find a good job that paid well, we had nice things and a lovely home. I always remember the day he came home with a new TV, it was around the time the infrared remote control was introduced, I was well happy with that!

Disaster struck at Christmas time, Father Christmas had been and gone and so had Dad. I was 8 years old, I don’t remember much but I do remember the day he came back to tell me that he and Mom were separating, it was awful. Once he’d broken the news he collected some of his belongings and left. Mom was broken, she chased after him tears streaming from her face, kicking and screaming, the anger was so intense, so much so when she came back in to the house I picked up Dad’s favourite beer tankard and threw it across the paved patio out of the back door, I dropped to my knees and sobbed like never before. It was just me and Mom from now on.

It wasn’t long before it was announced who my Dad had been so in love with he felt the need to pull apart our world. It was Mom’s best friend, our next but one neighbour, a lady I’d spent many a night with, bathing her newborn daughter, watching TV and enjoying having a “friend”. Me and Mom weren’t alone for long either, she met a man, he was younger than her and they fell deeply in love, they spent every minute possible together. I always felt so in the way, like I wasn’t wanted, I’m sure that wasn’t intentional they were just in love. Before long he proposed to mom and then shortly after that it was announced Dad and his new partner would also be getting married.

At 9 years old I remember the feeling of loss, I felt so alone, all around me I could see happiness, joy, belonging, laughter and there was me, alone with my bears in my room. I don’t know why I felt so alone, it’s not like I was pushed out, I just didn’t feel like I belonged in either my Mom’s home or my Dad’s. They were all so happy with one another, I just felt like an inconvenience to them, Dad had his new wife and her daughter that he loved, Mom had her new husband that she so desperately wanted to keep happy, and there was just me drifting along. Looking back now I think I was depressed, and withdrawn, I pulled myself away from people in order to create a wall of protection, that way I would never get hurt.

I found peace in books, I would shut myself away in my room, line up all of my teddies and read to them, I loved to act out the characters, my favourite were the scripts from Roal Dahl stories It was my way of escaping myself, I just hated being me. By the time I was 12-13 I used to act out my desired life, whenever I was alone in the house I would pretend I was a wife, the house was mine and I had a loving husband and 3 children, I’d speak aloud to them, anyone listening in would of thought I was crazy!

This escapism carried on throughout my life, books turned to other things I used to escape, people pleasing, taking drugs, drinking, lots of things that sent me down a path of darkness, discovering much more grief, sadness, anger and loss, my life has been quite eventful, filled with various losses and disasters which I’m sure I will write about in due course. 

Last year I attended Cherish, a ladies Christian conference. I had a real encounter with my Father that was one of THE best days of my life to date. From the first minute of walking through the doors  I felt the overwhelming love of my Heavenly Father, it was so intense tears of joy started to roll from my eyes, I felt His arms wrapped around me, He pulled me up on to His lap like I was that 8 year old again and His words echoed in my mind:

“I love you, you are the most precious princess of the highest king, you are special and I will never let you go, all these years of misery are behind you, I will replace them with years of joy, I am taking you on a journey that will never end, take my hand and walk with me my precious child, I will make up for the years of the locusts, all they took from you I will replace double”

That weekend was the most amazing experience I had with God, I knew after then life was going to be different, He was with me and He was never ever going to forsake me. 

I’m pleased to say that my life now is still as eventful but a different type of life. Now, I have joy, peace and I don’t fear every circumstance, I don’t feel the need to escape anymore, I don’t have to please people to be accepted, I now have someone in my life that truly makes me feel I belong, He carries me, He comforts me, He whispers into my ear all of the wonderful things I can be, He makes me feel I can achieve anything in His strength and encourages me when I fall. I also have the husband and 3 kids I used to imagine!

I pray that anyone reading this has a similar experience, with an open heart invite Him to show you all that you are. I watched a film at the weekend called Miracles from Heaven, if you’ve not seen it I recommend it, in it a lady says this “God gives us miracles each and every day, they are all around us, we just have to have the faith to notice them.” She’s right, I see my loving Father in everything I do now, I’m so thankful to Jesus for this wonderful gift, ask Him to show you too, he will never let you down.

Open Doors

How do we know when or if to walk through a door of opportunity?


How do we know when or if to walk through a door of opportunity?

When I was first saved I had many plans, mainly for myself I admit, I was going to build a huge marketing agency and earn lots of money, well it wasn’t quite that shallow but all the same I had BIG plans.

I was stopped completely in my tracks by the Lord and I entered a period of stillness, at the time I thought this was laziness, all of my creative faculties started to shut down and I found that I couldn’t think, all I could do was turn to the word God and discover.

I soon started to discover Who I was, Why I was here, and What I needed to do, BUT, I had no idea how that fitted into my previous plans. So there I was, still wandering in the wilderness with no direction, no inspiration and no creativity.

I wasn’t listening! God asked me to start to delve into my old plans and compare them to the discoveries I had made about WHO He said I was, WHY I was here and WHAT I was sent to do.

I soon discovered a pattern, a very unique pattern. It was unique because this pattern was displayed in all I had done my whole life, from a tender age of nursery school right up to this present point in my life. Those business plans I had were NOT about making myself money, they were about helping others to achieve their goals, from the customers I served to the staff I had planned to employ, each element was about other people and how I could help them to achieve what they wanted.

Proverbs 16:9, tells us that In our hearts we plan our course, but the Lord establishes the steps.

No wonder there was a pattern, it wasn’t the actual industry, job, or physical task that would be my calling, it’s what that physical thing would enable me to do in the name of Jesus. I was sent to encourage, inspire and teach people that through Christ we can achieve all things!

Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.- Proverbs 37:4

Once I discovered this I soon started to recognise doors that began to open, not just in my business but at home, in my marriage, in my husband’s business, at church, with my friends, even this blog. I just had to be courageous enough to step out and say what I knew God wanted me to say or do what He wanted me to do.We just have to be bold enough and brave enough to walk through that open door. 

Receiving this courage comes from renewing our minds with His Word, it’s there to give us confidence that in Him all things are possible. He tells us in John 10:10 I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly. He doesn’t want us to be miserable!

1 Corinthians 16:9 because a great door for effective work has opened to me, and there are many who oppose me.

The words above from Paul tell us that it won’t be a smooth ride, but irrespective of the opposition he faced, he continued to move on, continued to walk with God and live out what he knew in confidence the Lord wanted him to do.

Since these revelations, I’ve been so much more comfortable in my life with making decisions, and when I make those that are aligned with God’s will he confirms I’m on the right track with His wonderful favour, I feel peaceful and joyful inside and I have a consistent smile on my face. Life is just easier with God’s word in it. Life is just easier with God in it!

My prayer today is that anyone that may be struggling with their calling in life, or recognising God’s open doors, that they feel the spirit of God fall upon them to inspire action.

I pray, Father that each and every person that is questioning a decision right now, that they feel your presence, they hear your voice and you give them courage and confidence in you and your word.

I ask you, Father, to reveal to them their calling in life, give them desires in their hearts that won’t let go until they act upon them, and when they do Lord I ask for fulfilment, comfort and peace to outpour into their spirit.

Lord I pray that they seek your will and glorify your name by living a life filled with abundant joy.

In Jesus name, Amen.

 

 

 

 

The good news is…..

One of my common behaviour patterns is positivity, another is the activator. So translated I am always looking on the bright side of life and I like to get things done, so when I am around someone that can’t make a decision and when they do they pluck out the negative in a situation it frustrates me!

The good news is our precious Father left us with The Bible filled with fabulous news.

 I remember a conversation I had with my mom who was struggling one day to understand the death and morbidity in the world, she said to me “If God so loves us, why do we have to see all this pain and suffering in the world?” 

My answer to that is simple. 

We are in the world not of the world, Jesus told us it wouldn’t be easy, but what is promised to us is eternal life, not only that, John 10:10 tells us he came so that we might live a life of abundance and joy. 

I often wonder how I can repay Jesus for the sacrifice He gave for me to live and love life. There is absolutely nothing compared to it, there is nothing I can do, apart from live as he instructs me to, fearlessly and with confidence knowing that he goes before me and is behind me – and that is my answer to dealing with worldly trauma.

I know I have a God of peace, that is consistently intervening with my life, so that I may enjoy his perfect will, as long as my mind is fixed upon this nothing can bring me down!

Walking in alignment with God.

Over the last six to seven months, many things have been manifesting in our family life, things that have been a real challenge, we had some big decisions to make, and if I’m honest I could have quite happily remained paralysed on occasions, stuck in the same old, the fear was just too much to face.

walking-inOver the last six to seven months, many things have been manifesting in our family life, things that have been a real challenge, we had some big decisions to make, and if I’m honest I could have quite happily remained paralysed on occasions, stuck in the same old, the fear was just too much to face.

Lucky for us we have a God that will deal with our fears head on when we seek His perfect Will for our lives.

Knowing there were changes to make we started to pray over the situations causing the challenges, we prayed long and hard for what seemed like forever! There were times I thought God wasn’t listening, there were times I thought He didn’t like me much, there were many moments I prayed with what my mom might call attitude, you know the stance – when your arms are folded, your bottom lip is sticking out and you have that tone in voice, the tone that says, I know you don’t want to answer my prayer and I know it’s for my own good but all the same I’m asking anyway, with an eye roll and a big TUT at the end?!

Despite sometimes wanting to give up we continued.

After around 5 months, we started to get answers, albeit they weren’t the ones we thought we would get. These answers were going to push us out of our comfort zone and were to have us confront fears we had carried with us most of our lives. In actual fact these answers had been there for some time, we just didn’t think they were from God, they seemed to make perfect sense but we thought they were of the flesh not of God. He was showing us that we had done the right thing and He wanted the best for us, He loved us and wanted us to flourish for the glory of His Kingdom.

I thought that a lot of the complications we had were a result of our own flesh, I thought that I had a hardened heart and it was my actions causing all of this discomfort. As a result, I was seeking His will, for all that time, to help me to change, when in actual fact what God wanted to do was to change the situation for us.

Although this wasn’t going to be easy. It meant we had to do some things that would cause some discomfort, face our fears and be courageous. See, this was one of the many problems I grew up with, always thinking I must try harder, and blaming myself for not being good enough. Which I think is a problem in many of us, I certainly share that with my husband.

The good news is our loving Father doesn’t want that, he wants us to love ourselves just as he loves us. We are fearfully and wonderfully made, in His image, for a very unique purpose to bring glory to His Kingdom. This, in turn, gives us the ability to love others with His wonderful love and encouragement, and when we really seek His will for our lives He uncovers some miraculous things for our future, things we least expect – But, we have to action them.

Even though this time was tough and I could have quite easily turned my back on everything, buried my head in the sand and left myself wide open for the enemy to take control, I chose to take back His territory and declare that in Jesus name I would walk on – No matter what!

Things can be hard, but as long as we continue to lean on our Father and rely not upon our own understanding all things will come together for good, no matter how awful it may seem we must trust him in all we do.

I’m very happy to report that is all now behind us and these situations are now testimonies we can use to encourage others as well as ourselves, we can hold on to them for the rest of our days and remind ourselves when struggles arise that He came through and took control, showed us what to do, and in our obedience, He has richly blessed us with many things to confirm we did the right thing.

Thank you, Lord, for your wonderful patience and understanding, Father, thank you, that despite our not listening, You always persevere and show us in you loving gentle way that all will be ok. Thank you, for always being there, and preparing the way for us despite our shortcomings and our disobedience, Lord thank you, for always waiting with your arms wide open for us to arrive, no matter how long that may take. In Jesus name, I pray that we will forever be aligned to your perfect will. Amen.

Perfect Love. 


The flight was delayed 6 hours, the door to the plane was frozen shut, in the UK with quite a bit of snow to look forward to. 

I wasn’t looking forward to going home. Having spent from 26th December until this day in beautiful hot sunshine, surrounded by Gods breath taking sights, sea, sand and lots of lovely reading material. 

Little did I know … God, had something much better planned in the big freeze back home.

I arrived home early in the morning and the place was thick with snow, the drive back from the airport took forvever, I walked in to my 2 bed town house that I shared with my friend, the house was hotter than it had been in Dominican, my house mate was a big fan of 30 degrees on the heating thermostat!

After lots of visiting family and story telling of my adventures, that night I was due to meet my destiny. This meeting was a perfect plan that I had no idea about. 

It was a God appointment.

Back in November, I had moved back to my home town, following a rough few years away. The street that I had moved in to also was the home of someone God wanted me to meet… again. Someone that I had no idea would impact my life as he did.

On 10th January 2010, I was reluctantly going on a date! A date that had been arranged following a phone call made on New Year’s Eve, a call that my spirit had prompted me to make, from thousands of miles away and a 4 hour time difference!

The guy that I was meeting was someone I had known for some time, 10 years to be precise, we had met when I was 17, he used to hang around me a lot back then and I had no idea that he liked me. In between then and now life happened and had been pretty cruel too.

But, God still had a perfect plan to unfold.

Following that date night, we went on to have a huge impact on each other’s lives, we built one another up, and together we became people that previously we had only ever dreamed we could be! 

We have just celebrated 7 years together and I’m happy to say we have a lovely life, with 2 boys, another on the way, work that we both love doing, some wonderful friends and family around us and a beautiful home.

This scripture is a perfect description of the plan that God had for us. 

That day, He evolved something quite magical, from 2 people that prior to this appointment were filled with misery, sin and fear.

He united us with the knowledge that were made for one another. 

We love each other dearly and have Jesus at the centre of our marriage which makes it perfect in every way. Together we have no fear, we have perfect love. 💕💕

1 John 4:18 – There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. 



💕💕💕🙏 Amen 🙏💕💕💕

Why Am I Here?

why-am-i-here

 

We were given the following commandments in Matthew 22: 37-40

37 Jesus replied, “‘You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’e 38This is the first and greatest commandment. 39A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’f 40The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”

When I was saved my first issue was, I didn’t love myself at all. I detested myself, I loathed myself, I was angry, bitter, jealous, impatient, just to mention but a few inequalities.

Thankfully, the good news is, Jesus knows! And he loves me regardless, He wants to clear all this muck out and make me into the person He created me to be.

Jesus gave His life so that I might become a new spirit, saved from sin by His pure and righteous blood. Someone told me that when our Heavenly Father looks down to us, he sees Jesus once we are saved, how wonderful is that?

I think that it’s a natural reflex to loathe what the world manifests into you, as His faithful Word tells us, we are in the world, NOT of the world.

I believe that before we embark on the road to discovery of our precious saviour we are all seeking something. Longing to know what we were put here for, why were we created? What is our purpose? Is there more to life than this? Are all questions most, if not all of us, have asked at some point in our lives.

That’s it right there. The big hole, screaming inside of us to be filled.

Each and every one of us has a big God-shaped hole inside of us, longing to know what we were placed on this earth for and the answer is in The Word Of God!

 

 

No longer a slave to fear.

And hope does not put us to shame, because Gods love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5:5 – ESV

I love this. The previous blog that I wrote was raw, it came following a night of emotion, conviction, questioning, fear, all following some hard words from a fellow believer.

Sometimes people can say the most hurtful things without realising, the words from our mouths can cut like a knife, little do we know where the injury lies once we have spoken.

We’re so blessed that we have such a loving father that can soothe those sores.

I lay in bed that night tears streaming down my face asking my father “How I could be so bitter with his Holy Spirit dwelling within me?”He said “My child, you asked me for patience, you asked that I heal you, this will take time”.

I use writing as a way to express my raw feelings so, I lay and wrote the words that were on my heart, an open letter to my all loving, all knowing Father.

See, God uses all things not matter how good or bad to come together for the good of his children, I can see now in all the areas of my life, even before I committed it to Christ, that He was hard at work.

Once I’d written it God asked me to publish it:

“WOW! You mean to say I have to take my raw emotion and publish it for all to see?”

I was scared. Scared of the humiliation, scared of the past, scared of people judging me and my life, scared of the many worldly opinions I may have to endure. There were many worries and concerns running through my mind. I was told by a friend not to worry because He goes before me, so I did as I was asked.

Then, after a night of wondering, this morning I had a dream, in it I was asked to look at Romans 5:5.

I woke up, sat up, opened up my bible and was instantly blessed. My Heavenly Father wants me to be settled as walk on through this day.

I have no reason to fear humiliation, Jesus took all that for me on the cross. Jesus also said that we would be sent the comforter, the Holy Spirit, an out pouring of our Fathers perfect love.

As I walk forward today in all that I do, I can hold my head up high knowing that I walk with His Spirit. I’m producing Christlike character within me for all to see.

The work I do with my children is blessed, the people I talk to will be blessed, the work I do in my job will be blessed, my heart is filled with love and I have nothing to fear, Thank You, Father for your everlasting love.

I pray that you do the same today, in all that you do today call upon the name of your Heavenly Father to help you, ask the Holy Spirit to guide you and start talking to the one that created you. In Jesus name amen.

God bless. Xx