I’m sorry, forgive me, it’s not you it’s me. How can I possibly believe your truth when the day is so dark, when I can’t see how you can say all these things about me, I’m so angry, I’m so bitter, I’m unforgiving, impatient, I can’t face the world, I struggle to leave my room, I have absolutely nothing good to say!
I sit gazing at the words in the bible, I read testimonies, I pray, I cry, I shout, I scream, and still I feel a hardness and feel no joy.
What am I to do Lord?
How can I be who you say I am?
The words I speak are of death and not life, I’m slowly killing my spirit, I read the words, I repeat them over and over in my mind, although I know them I don’t speak them, speaking them aloud is the way to live. This negativity is drowning me, slowly and painfully, this is not your plan, please forgive me.
This an extract from my journal I wrote on a bad day, feeling at my lowest, the day in mind everything was against me, nothing would work, or so I thought….
How powerful are the things that we tell ourselves? Those deceptive thoughts if left unattended can be most tragic to our walk with God. After debating this for sometime I chose life, I refuse to sit solemn, down, and believe these lies here is what I chose to speak:
Thank you Father for making me so Wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvellous- how well I know it. – Psalm 139:14
I choose to love myself and others because You loved me first, I don’t have to earn it, You just do. – 1 John 4:19
You know the very number of hairs upon my head. – Matthew 10:30
You loved me so much You gave Your one and only son so that I might live to eternity – John 3:16
Nothing in all creation can seperate me from Your love, no matter how badly I think of me You don’t see the same. – Romans 8:39
I accept Your perfect love and douse myself in it, expelling all fear. – 1 John 4:18
You know the plans You have for me, they are for good and not disaster, to give me a future and a hope. – Jeremiah 29:11
I can do all things through You, You give me strength. – Philippians 4:13
I will stand in Your whole armour and battle against these deceitful words. – Ephesians 6:11
Because You are for me, so who can be against me? – Romans 8:31.
Thank you Father that you gave us these words of life to speak aloud in our storms, no matter what happens You bring everything together for our good.